.: Graduation and sadness

So I originally planning to write a post all about graduation and what fun it was…however just one day afterward my life was completely changed… this is the story…

The 20th of May was an incredibly exciting day for me, one day ‘til graduation! I was up late designing the African/American flag for my cap and missing my family as always. I got into bed with much excitement and high hopes for the next day…

I woke up to multiple whatsapp messages from my mom and brother, and to my finance saying “did you see the message, Rebecca was in an accident.”

My heart stopped. My mind raced. What do you mean accident? At that stage the only information anyone had was, she is in the hospital and alive. All my questions had to go unanswered. I got ready for my second to last day of college obsessively checking my text messages and texting “any updates?”

I got to class, gave my presentation and excused myself. I sat on the floor in the corridor of my college and was finally able to actually speak to my family. I got to see Rebecca. She looked unaffected, still beautiful and smiling and no facial injuries. But that of course was not the whole truth. She had broken her back and crushed vertebrae and as her big sister I felt like I should have been there to protect her somehow (crazy I know, since it was an accident, unplanned and unpredictable.) I felt like I should be there physically for my family. The whole day people kept asking ‘are you excited for graduation?’ Considering the fact that I had been reminding people daily of the approaching event, it wasn’t surprising. However, I didn’t know how to respond. Do I pretend that picking out my graduation outfit is the biggest issue currently on my mind or do I talk about it? What was it anyway, I knew very little of the situation and I knew that questions would ensue and answers, well I couldn’t provide those.

Over the next few days I told those close to me and spent many hours messaging family and friends to either get answers or provide ones. It was difficult being so far away and many times I considered just flying home to be with my family. But since we didn’t know how long it would take (for Rebecca to make it out of the hospital and out of rehab) flying out for a week hardly seemed to make sense.

In the ensuing months I had a ton of support from family (mine and Tyler’s) as well as friends, but I always felt like I could never quiet satisfy the questions. Spinal injury outcomes are so hard to predict and it’s difficult to factor in human spirit, willpower and what can be accomplished. Many that heard about the accident said ‘well at least she is alive.’ A statement which is so true, she had survived and for that I will be forever grateful but that doesn’t mean that it hurts any less seeing your sister in a wheelchair. The same sister who fought for her little life as a premature baby or the same little sister that I watched as she learnt to walk, talk and swim as a baby. It’s human nature to compare, to look back and take note of the differences. Lucky for us Rebecca’s nature revealed a power that I could never have imagined. A strong, graceful force that rose up to the challenge with a smile on her face, a kind word on her lips and determination in her heart.

I finally came home in January 2015, it was the first time I would be seeing Rebecca since the accident. I was a little nervous as I was unsure of what the situation would be like. It’s always like that after not seeing family or friends or a long time, but this had an added factor.

Rebecca came home and I saw immediately she was completely different. And no, not because of the wheelchair, she was this self-confident young lady, full of spunk and happiness (which I’m sure is greatly contributed to her boyfriend- Steven ) She wasn’t my little sister anymore. Watching her navigate the house with such ease was actually really impressive to see. She is so comfortable with her current circumstance that it put me right at ease, but she isn’t ready to settle, she is always looking for the next step and the next challenge to better herself and to better the circumstances of those in the same situation as hers, or worse.

On my wedding day, I was lucky enough to have my sister walk down (aided by her walking ring, and her older brother…holding her flowers) the aisle. It was a milestone she had set for herself. After the rehearsal dinner Rayson, Rebecca and I practiced the walk to see the spacing, the distance and the timing. She did so well. I was beaming. Instead of taking this as her moment she quietly asked me, ‘are you sure you want me to do this, I don’t want to take up too much of the processional time and music.’ (Always considering others.) I told her I wouldn’t have it any other way, but since it was a lot of pressure on her I wanted her to be comfortable. She opted to do it, and it was beautiful. It is a memory I will treasure and I am so glad that we had family and friends there to share this milestone with, after all they were the best support system my mom, Rebecca, Rayson and I could have asked for.

I have watched as she faced challenges head on, never backing down. She has gained much respect between her community, peers, family and especially from her big sister. You always hope that you teach your younger siblings important lessons in life (like how to not get into trouble with mom) but you never think that your younger siblings will teach you life lessons, which make an huge life-long impact. (I originally posted this on a Facebook page we created to deliver Rebecca related updates.)

And yes, I did attend my graduation that night with my family in my heart and my country on/in my head.